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back to trader joe's old navy

by misty stella

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1.
we don't fight we don't try to get better because we don't even want to get better we know our fate is sealed so we sit and suffer let the disease take us over and blow us away my presumptions are below the floor now i won't believe in any happy things anymore i've dealt with too much loss in too little time i don't know how i'm supposed to feel so i just don't i just stare at a screen
2.
the floor 01:31
when i wake up there'll be a knock on my door and she'll sigh, she'll wonder why but i'll have nothing to procure i just looked out my window it's a lower view than mine back at home the trees are dead, the air is fallen, and i can't believe i am here i'm not safe i'm not safe, anymore
3.
volvo 02:12
i like those old Volvo's with the seats in the back faced in a way to make you sick i'd sit idle in the driveway two years i shunned the snow am i ready to let me love it again? it reminds me there was a time where i'd sled down every hill time passes me by i try to stop the fall from coming again but i like the snow i like when it's here waiting for me to see miss louisiana aren't you cold? have you seen this before? i think that i, i think that i am ready i don't know if i'm numb or better but i think i am i know i am but nothing goes away
4.
1_15_20 00:15
5.
i liked that smile i'd like if you'd do it again push me again i liked it i liked that maple tree i liked that you got soft your voice was a different tone than the tone you show to everyone i'm seeing a new shade to your yellow now it's red, now pink, or maroon did you show it show it to me or have i not noticed it before? are you getting comfortable by my side? do you want to stay put when sitting where i am? i wish we could get closer cuz all i can do is stare you can start doing the same i might like it or i'll get scared you're nice to me you're nice to me you're nice to me but you don't have to be just say good not best but it's fine i don't mind the lie
6.
momma 01:00
my momma doesn't bleed anymore it'll be endless tears now every month life's a changing so i'll have to, too but this season's changing for the worse this sad ditty town's a bore it drains me dead and i haven't even left my bed yet i play along
7.
you, stella 03:24
"he seemed so certain about everything, didn't he? he wasn't even sure he was alive, because he was living like a dead man" - quote from the stranger by albert camus nobody cares about you nobody cares about you, stella they all wanna tell you bout themselves that's how it is, that's how you are don't tell her everything you already know she won't care she can't give you everything find synergy with someone else i'm scared of so much how can i be ready to die if i haven't lived? i wish i wasn't sad all the time i just try to hope that it'll get better someday i know it won't though
8.
child 01:14
9.
only i show and tell on Thursday's don't fucking steal my spot i see light out my southeast window but my bedroom's in the northeastern dark i'm not asleep because if i was i'd be happy i'm too wide awake there's too many hours in the daylight what if i had my moment when you missed me, but now your face is telling me i blocked a good girl out it wouldn't even matter if all the stars fell from the sky i wouldn't move, i wouldn't care

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moodboard bouncing from semester 1 of college and the vibes being back in your hometown. don't fall asleep while listening! i'll make upbeat songs in the future!

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released December 25, 2020

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misty stella Ridgefield, Connecticut

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